I first got interested in computer art back in 2007, using a program called Poser that let me manipulate digital objects three dimensionally and then generate a final picture (called a “render”) from them. I have since transitioned to another program, Daz Studio, that I find works better for me. I have also recently begun doing straight digital drawing and painting in Sketchbook and Clip Studio Paint. Over the years I’ve produced hundreds of pictures, most of them posted online somewhere. Together they show a steady improvement in my skills, just as you’d expect.
The pictures also illustrate change in another way, in that many of them are not pictures I would want to create today. Nothing I’ve done could justly be called pornographic, but I have produced a fair amount of pin-up art over the years. I have taken down a few of my pictures, but most of them have been left up. There are several reasons for this.
First, there’s the practical issue that it’s effectively impossible to remove something from the internet once it’s been up for any significant length of time. I haven’t searched for unauthorized copies of my work, but I have no doubt that they are out there.
Second, I don’t, even now, believe that sexiness and nudity in art are always bad. There is a vast difference between, for example, Michelangelo and Hustler magazine, and what I’ve created has always been closer to the former. In art, as in so many other subjects, context matters.
The third, and most important, reason is that life is change. I’m in transition between the man I was and the man I will be as the Holy Spirit both leads me and empowers me to become less and less like my old self, and more and more like Jesus. To be a faithful witness of what Christ has done I have to be honest about both where I have come from and where I am going. That’s why I’ve written about the struggles I went though in the late 1990s, as well as a number of other events in my life. Most of my articles, in fact, come out of my own personal experiences.
For that same reason, I’m committed to leaving up on this site all the articles I write, even if my thinking on some of those subjects evolves. If I write a new article from a different point of view, the old one will remain as well. Some people will say I should take the old articles down, out of a desire to present only the most Biblically and theologically accurate information. I can understand that position, and I agree that it’s defensible, but I don’t agree that it’s best. It’s really not likely that I’ll realize something I’ve posted is actually heretical. And even in that case, I can still leave the original article up, along with an added correction.
In preserving my mistakes, I’m in good company. The Bible records the weaknesses and faults of the men and women God used in the past to build his kingdom. Moses, David, Elijah, Peter, Paul, and many, many others are portrayed in Scripture as imperfect. The book of Acts even record that Paul used to spend his time trying to have as many Christians as he could arrested, and he voted for their deaths when they were brought to trial (Acts 26:9-11). Later, when Paul writes about “forgetting what is behind,” (Philippians 3:13) the context makes it clear he’s talking about setting aside all the reasons he used to have for trusting in his own righteousness. Both in his letters and in the record of his ministry in Acts, we see that Paul did not hesitate to tell people about his past whenever it would glorify Christ or build up the church.
As I’ve explained in a previous article, I am not an evangelist, but I am a witness. Every Christian, I believe, has been both called and empowered to tell others how God has been good to them. But as I try to be faithful to do this, I find that if I’m not careful about what I say, far too many people will hear that God blesses and protects me because I read the Bible every day and pray and go to church. This is the exact reverse of the truth! The things I do for Christ are a result of the love he’s shown me, not the cause of it. “We love because he first loved us.” (1 John 4:19).
I don’t want to risk getting that wrong. Taking the credit myself for something that God did doesn’t just harm me, it also conveys to the person I’m talking to that doing good works is the way to obtain God’s favor. If, instead, I can be clear that everything good I do is in response to a God who loved me before I had done anything at all to please him, it might lead another person to consider whether whatever “good luck” they’ve experienced in their life might actually be a gift from God to them. Being open about what’s in my past, therefore, not only glorifies God, it blesses others who hear. Even the parts of my past that are embarrassing.
And there’s a similar dynamic when I consider the effect I have on my brothers and sisters in Christ. Covering up my struggles and my fumbles isn’t just dishonest, it might actually be a discouragement to a brother or sister who is struggling with something that I pretend was never a struggle for me. That is not acting in love.
Life is change. God can exist in timeless, unchanging perfection, but we weren’t created that way. Growth is normal. We grow physically when we’re young, and if we’re healthy, we grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually throughout our lives. Even Jesus, we are told, “grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.” (Luke 2:52) As I’ve said before, I’m not a theologian, so I’m not going to speculate about how God incarnate can grow in wisdom, or in favor with God. But I will affirm, on the basis of Scripture, that it did happen. So, for myself, I will be open about where I’ve come from, in the belief that you who are reading this will find more blessing in my journey than in my destination.
For those of you doing any kind of discipleship ministry, I urge you to do something similar to what I’m doing here. Let the people you’re leading see the process and not just the outcome. It’s one thing to hear somebody tell about how Christ changed them, it’s another to watch it happening. If you’re following Christ, then for as long as you remain on earth, you “are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory.” (2 Corinthians 3:18) because “by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy. (Hebrews 10:14). This is both an affirmation of who we already are and a promise of who we are in the process of becoming. Let the people you’re around, and especially the ones you’re leading, see that.
I’ve heard it said that people will respect you more if they see that you’re willing to change your mind. Watching political ads makes me skeptical about that idea. Inconsistency sometimes seems like the supreme political sin. But I’ll leave that question for people whose goal is to be respected by the world; mine isn’t. My goal is to help reunite the church by teaching believers how to live as children of God. And I believe that allowing others to watch as I learn to follow Christ more closely will help to accomplish that.
Now I’m definitely not saying that you should go out and deliberately sin in front of your disciples (or sin at all, for that matter). I am saying that you should let your disciples get close enough to watch the change in your habits, your attitudes, and even your ideas over time, as you draw closer to Christ. That’s the reason I decided that I won’t take down old articles, even if my perspective on whatever issue is involved changes. It’s the best way to demonstrate that living as a child of God is a constant process of becoming who I already am.
The end result, then, of letting people see me in this process is to demonstrate the power and the wisdom and the goodness of Christ, who is both the reason I’m living in a process of becoming, and the person that I’m becoming like.